Trumptations: Donald Drumpf and the Order of the Flaccid Dong
by whyyyamidoingthis
Summary: Summary: drumpf stumbles upon a secret conspiracy. then the apocalypse happens and only the chosen one can save the universe from the illuminati. (drumpf isn't the chosen one btw) edit: had to change the names because of content guidelines


One morning, drumpf was planning plans to make America grate again, and of course that plan involved BURN ALL THE WITCHES!11111111 He told the military about the plan and told them to go forth and send the witches back to the stinking fuckfire of hell. Of course everyone said that he was being an asshat. And they were right. But what they were wrong about was, when they said witches did not exist. So then drumpf had to go get some proof so he went to hogworts.

When he got to hogwort he went into an office to see if there were actual witches there, and walked in on the sight of umbridge and bellatrix ass nekkid and sexily faggarting like cows in heat. they didn't notice drumpf because he was hiding behind the door, while he recorded the whole thing on his phone and uploaded it onto you tube.

upon returning to America, he was immediately arrested for charges of being a nasty ass perv. he was thrown into a secrete prison deep in the sewers where thousands of anime tentacles came out of the slimy shitwater and faggarted him up the ass and striped off his panties. and then someone came out of the darkness of the sewer... ... ...it was a maggot-skinned noseless man.

"who the buttfuck are you?" screamed drumpf

"I AM TEH DARK LARD, VOLDEMOORT!11111" voldemort introduced. the mere sight of him turned drumpf gay. drumpf compulsively grabbed the crotch and then voldemort bitchslapped him, faggarting him and then striping nekkid. suddenly he stopped and called to something that was under the shitwater. "FUCKFART!111111111111 where the fucking fuck are thou?"

and then a fabulously gay prick sauntered out of the shitwater and then graveled before the dark lard. "you called, master? did you require a blowjob?" he seduced, sexily taking of his clothes.

"who the fuck is this?" said drumpf. he looked at the gay ass prick who looked sexy enough to be a prawn star, and got an eructation.

and then voldemort said "this is my servant gillroy fuckfart"

and then drumpf farted, killing some of the tentacles, and said "what do you fuckmothers want with me?"

and then fuckfart said "we know you are with the order of the flaccid dong!11111111111 we will interrogate and torture you untill you tell us EVERY THING!111111"

"what" said drumpf "what is the order of the flaccid dong"

and then fuckfart said "its like the illuminati but it's not"

and then the torture began, they drowned drumpf in the shitwater as a millionthousand chickens - cocks, that is - swam out of the shitty depths and transformed into actual cocks; shlongs of eldritch horrors, and dragged drumpf to his painful death, except the death was so much that he came back to life. resurfacing, all the shlongs exploted into a shitload of bleeding flesh that was devoured by all the wild breast.

fuckfart cast a horrendously bullshit spell, and a whirlpoop appeared swirling in the shitwater, carrying all the narwhals, who impaled every orifice bypon their phallic horns. and then voldemort dangled drumpf by the neck over the swirling shithole that had once claimed the lives of many pathetic fucklings, and then said "thou wilt telleth us all thy secretes, or ellse thou shalt be skewert bypon all the fagpoles!1111111111111111" mean while fuckfart watched the whole spectacle of fuckery, and wanked sexily, turning drumpf on.

a giant seething eye appeared in the vortex, and THE ILLUMINATI WAS CONFIRMED111111111111111111111 "master theirs a problem..." said fuckfart "theres gonna be an apocalypse cause of the spell i just did, and we need a sacrifice to stop it or the illuminati will rule the universe and not us!111111"

"grate, we can sacrifice drumpf!1111111" ejaculated voldemort

just as they were aboat to begin the ritual the ghost of dumbledoor apeared and pontificated "i forseen shits about to go down. gillroy fuckfart, u r teh chosen one. IT IS UR DENSITY!111111111111"

and then fuckfart said "what? the proficy is reel!11111111111 I AM TEH CHOSEN ONE, U FUCKMOTHERING FUCKERS!111111111111111"

and then the ghost of dumblefloor saed "gillroy fuckfart, you must rock the fuck out." and then fuckfart got out a guitar made entirely of holy fuckfire and elicited an epic song of whatthefuckery. the sheer badassery summoned from the void an ugly barnacle. it was so ugly that drumpf died.


End file.
